Dear Friends,

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Here is an interesting experience which I would like to share with all of you, do not be deterred by the length of it and please read on!

At the end of my freshman year in NUS, I went to Cambodia - a Youth Expedition Project organised by Mercy Relief. We brought donated English books and funds to help with the re-vamping of a local village school. The school needed better sanitation such as proper toilet facilities and a school canteen, as well as a higher ground as it is extremely prone to flood.

While my team and I were there for two weeks, the village chief invited us to a local wedding held within the village compound. Interestingly, a typical Cambodian wedding ceremony lasted 3-4 days – depending on how affluent the family is. The one that we attended lasted only for a day, and we already felt like it was too much! Everything was done on that day of the wedding. By everything, I mean - wedding photo shoot, monks’ blessings, honouring the parents’ ceremony, groom's processional parade (when the groom would present heaps of gifts to the bride’s family), honouring the ancestors ceremony, hair-cutting or cleansing ceremony, knot-tying ceremony, and a reception.

The ceremonies took place from dawn till night. Various appetizers were served to us while we observed the wedding ceremonies. The traditional processions ended around dinner time, thereafter the bride and groom would join us for the banquet. While we were being served dinner, we watched a group of performers sing and dance on stage. They were clad in silk embroidered costumes – a rare sight to see in a small village.

Initially these were fun and interesting to us. However as the hours crawled by, all of us were wearied and slightly annoyed (maybe because of the humid weather). We were unable to understand the emcee due to our lack in the Khmer language, we can’t comprehend the various ceremonies, the traditional music was noise, and the food was peculiar. I recall eating watermelon served with salted fish (apparently a local delicacy!). Did I also mention that all these took place in an outdoor setting where tables were tightly arranged on a muddy ground, and that the stage was make-shift wooden planks?

Thankfully the group of us were open-minded and graciously embraced the foreign culture. No one complained about the funky food, the poor hygiene, and swarm of houseflies. We stayed on till the end of the wedding ceremony despite not understanding a tad of it. We made the best out of our uncomfortable situation by playing with the village kids, and dancing with the performers on stage.

While we were “feasting”, village kids ran around to pick empty drink cans. They picked up cans that were strewn on the floor and sometimes even food remnants! We were astonished because we did not expect them to be so desperate for food. We wanted to stop them and give them proper food, but our translator – a native – told us this is commonplace, and to ignore these children. Giving them food will not only attract more “rascals”, it may also be offensive to the guests at the wedding. I could not live with it. Each time, I’d drink half a canned drink (or less), and then hand it to one of the “rascals” whenever they come by.

I came to understand that occasionally one may be caught in a predicament that clashes with one's moral values or cultural upbringing, however it is important to respect the other party's way of doing things and accommodate to their culture - especially if one is a minority in a foreign land.

Effective communication does not literally mean verbal communication, it also encompasses the EQ aspect of understanding and respecting others’ in ways which are proper to their cultures and situation. 

For example, if we were to disagree with the translator and insist on our stubborn ways which we deem as right, we would have inadvertently offended the guests at the wedding, and cause much unpleasantness throughout the night.

What would you have done?

Dear Readers,

First of all, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Lunar New Year and may you collect more red packets this year! It has been a trying week entertaining relatives, especially when they ask the same questions over again every year: When are you graduating? Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Another thing I really dislike hearing are their unassuming comments that you feel like stuffing a ball of hair in their mouths. This year, a few relatives commented that I looked more like my dad as I grew older. Well, I wouldn't take an offense to that if my dad doesn't look like Mark Lee.

As much as you dread socializing with your uncles and aunties, please do not shun them or lock yourself in the room after making sure you receive a red packet from each and every one of them. Festive occasions are a good opportunity to hone your social skills and improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Relatives and close friends are de facto the best buddies to practice these soft skills with – at least they would be more forgiving if you made a lame joke, or gave an unintelligent comment.

Mdm Fazilah mentioned in class that there are five elements that define EQ, namely: social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation and empathy. In my opinion, socializing is the most important and most challenging skill to master. How do you eradicate the butterflies in your stomach when asked to speak in a meeting? How would you introduce yourself to a stranger? What should you say to keep a conversation going?  The answers that you have in mind boil down to two things – practice and empathy. As defined by Mindtools, empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. If you are highly empathetic by nature, you are like a caterpillar – a budding social butterfly. If empathy is not innate in you, then learn to be empathetic by placing yourself in others' shoes, aim to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that feelings to guide your actions.

Personal Conflict

This conflict happened during CNY, and it was due to my insensitivity and lack of empathy. (Please do not judge me)

My family usually have reunion dinner with my maternal relatives on Lunar New Year’s Eve, and we would have ‘potluck’ at my place. That afternoon, I was tasked with buying some food and Prosperity Toss to “lo hei” at night. I bought Dodo nacho cheese meatballs from Fairprice (simply because I love cheese) and a ridiculously priced Prosperity Toss platter with added salmon from a Japanese restaurant. Raw salmon (or yusheng) is an important ingredient because the Chinese believe it symbolizes abundance and vigor.

(Some background information – my maid, Z, is new and she comes from Myanmar with minimal knowledge of the English language.)

For dinner that night, my Mom decided to leave the cooking to Z as she has been preparing dinner for my family for the past 2 months, and my Mom was confident of her skills. To my horror, she cut my cheesy meatballs into half and threw them into the pot of soup, resulting in yellow cheese shreds floating atop the pot like moss growing in a pond. Although I was angry and annoyed with her, I did not scold her as it was unintentional and the soup could still be salvaged. After I rigorously scooped out the cheese shreds, I realized that Z had pan-fried the raw salmon which I bought and served it as a dish. It got me so mad I snapped at her, “Who told you to cook this? Do you know how expensive it is? The next time, ask me before you touch anything!” Eventually, we did not have raw salmon to “lo hei” as it was too late to buy another one. Thank God my relatives did not make a fuss over it.

That night, it came to my knowledge that she hid in her room to cry after I scolded her. I felt really guilty for losing my temper at her. Upon doing self-reflection, I realized that Z is new and inexperienced, and I cannot expect her to understand Chinese traditions. Also, her initiative to attempt new dishes was commendable. I should have been more patient and gracious towards Z. 

The following day, I baked chocolate chip cookies and gave them to Z.

If you were me, how would you have handled the situation if  your maid has ruined two dishes meant for the reunion dinner?