Dear Friends,

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Here is an interesting experience which I would like to share with all of you, do not be deterred by the length of it and please read on!

At the end of my freshman year in NUS, I went to Cambodia - a Youth Expedition Project organised by Mercy Relief. We brought donated English books and funds to help with the re-vamping of a local village school. The school needed better sanitation such as proper toilet facilities and a school canteen, as well as a higher ground as it is extremely prone to flood.

While my team and I were there for two weeks, the village chief invited us to a local wedding held within the village compound. Interestingly, a typical Cambodian wedding ceremony lasted 3-4 days – depending on how affluent the family is. The one that we attended lasted only for a day, and we already felt like it was too much! Everything was done on that day of the wedding. By everything, I mean - wedding photo shoot, monks’ blessings, honouring the parents’ ceremony, groom's processional parade (when the groom would present heaps of gifts to the bride’s family), honouring the ancestors ceremony, hair-cutting or cleansing ceremony, knot-tying ceremony, and a reception.

The ceremonies took place from dawn till night. Various appetizers were served to us while we observed the wedding ceremonies. The traditional processions ended around dinner time, thereafter the bride and groom would join us for the banquet. While we were being served dinner, we watched a group of performers sing and dance on stage. They were clad in silk embroidered costumes – a rare sight to see in a small village.

Initially these were fun and interesting to us. However as the hours crawled by, all of us were wearied and slightly annoyed (maybe because of the humid weather). We were unable to understand the emcee due to our lack in the Khmer language, we can’t comprehend the various ceremonies, the traditional music was noise, and the food was peculiar. I recall eating watermelon served with salted fish (apparently a local delicacy!). Did I also mention that all these took place in an outdoor setting where tables were tightly arranged on a muddy ground, and that the stage was make-shift wooden planks?

Thankfully the group of us were open-minded and graciously embraced the foreign culture. No one complained about the funky food, the poor hygiene, and swarm of houseflies. We stayed on till the end of the wedding ceremony despite not understanding a tad of it. We made the best out of our uncomfortable situation by playing with the village kids, and dancing with the performers on stage.

While we were “feasting”, village kids ran around to pick empty drink cans. They picked up cans that were strewn on the floor and sometimes even food remnants! We were astonished because we did not expect them to be so desperate for food. We wanted to stop them and give them proper food, but our translator – a native – told us this is commonplace, and to ignore these children. Giving them food will not only attract more “rascals”, it may also be offensive to the guests at the wedding. I could not live with it. Each time, I’d drink half a canned drink (or less), and then hand it to one of the “rascals” whenever they come by.

I came to understand that occasionally one may be caught in a predicament that clashes with one's moral values or cultural upbringing, however it is important to respect the other party's way of doing things and accommodate to their culture - especially if one is a minority in a foreign land.

Effective communication does not literally mean verbal communication, it also encompasses the EQ aspect of understanding and respecting others’ in ways which are proper to their cultures and situation. 

For example, if we were to disagree with the translator and insist on our stubborn ways which we deem as right, we would have inadvertently offended the guests at the wedding, and cause much unpleasantness throughout the night.

What would you have done?