Dear Readers,

First of all, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Lunar New Year and may you collect more red packets this year! It has been a trying week entertaining relatives, especially when they ask the same questions over again every year: When are you graduating? Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Another thing I really dislike hearing are their unassuming comments that you feel like stuffing a ball of hair in their mouths. This year, a few relatives commented that I looked more like my dad as I grew older. Well, I wouldn't take an offense to that if my dad doesn't look like Mark Lee.

As much as you dread socializing with your uncles and aunties, please do not shun them or lock yourself in the room after making sure you receive a red packet from each and every one of them. Festive occasions are a good opportunity to hone your social skills and improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Relatives and close friends are de facto the best buddies to practice these soft skills with – at least they would be more forgiving if you made a lame joke, or gave an unintelligent comment.

Mdm Fazilah mentioned in class that there are five elements that define EQ, namely: social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation and empathy. In my opinion, socializing is the most important and most challenging skill to master. How do you eradicate the butterflies in your stomach when asked to speak in a meeting? How would you introduce yourself to a stranger? What should you say to keep a conversation going?  The answers that you have in mind boil down to two things – practice and empathy. As defined by Mindtools, empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. If you are highly empathetic by nature, you are like a caterpillar – a budding social butterfly. If empathy is not innate in you, then learn to be empathetic by placing yourself in others' shoes, aim to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that feelings to guide your actions.

Personal Conflict

This conflict happened during CNY, and it was due to my insensitivity and lack of empathy. (Please do not judge me)

My family usually have reunion dinner with my maternal relatives on Lunar New Year’s Eve, and we would have ‘potluck’ at my place. That afternoon, I was tasked with buying some food and Prosperity Toss to “lo hei” at night. I bought Dodo nacho cheese meatballs from Fairprice (simply because I love cheese) and a ridiculously priced Prosperity Toss platter with added salmon from a Japanese restaurant. Raw salmon (or yusheng) is an important ingredient because the Chinese believe it symbolizes abundance and vigor.

(Some background information – my maid, Z, is new and she comes from Myanmar with minimal knowledge of the English language.)

For dinner that night, my Mom decided to leave the cooking to Z as she has been preparing dinner for my family for the past 2 months, and my Mom was confident of her skills. To my horror, she cut my cheesy meatballs into half and threw them into the pot of soup, resulting in yellow cheese shreds floating atop the pot like moss growing in a pond. Although I was angry and annoyed with her, I did not scold her as it was unintentional and the soup could still be salvaged. After I rigorously scooped out the cheese shreds, I realized that Z had pan-fried the raw salmon which I bought and served it as a dish. It got me so mad I snapped at her, “Who told you to cook this? Do you know how expensive it is? The next time, ask me before you touch anything!” Eventually, we did not have raw salmon to “lo hei” as it was too late to buy another one. Thank God my relatives did not make a fuss over it.

That night, it came to my knowledge that she hid in her room to cry after I scolded her. I felt really guilty for losing my temper at her. Upon doing self-reflection, I realized that Z is new and inexperienced, and I cannot expect her to understand Chinese traditions. Also, her initiative to attempt new dishes was commendable. I should have been more patient and gracious towards Z. 

The following day, I baked chocolate chip cookies and gave them to Z.

If you were me, how would you have handled the situation if  your maid has ruined two dishes meant for the reunion dinner?